The marijuana crop report is not about how much money you have in the bank. It is not about your car. It’s not about your clothes. It’s not about your fucking kahkis. It’s about weed… and smoking it.

In Alaska they smoke weed. It is not like other places where you may be able to choose which kind of weed you purchase. Those dudes just find a dealer and say “Hey, give me some weed.” Very rarely do they have shwagg so whatever you get you know will be quality.

In Anchorage, the only real city, you can get a quarter for $80. The rest of the state that is connected by roads the same will go for $100. Everywhere else it is $200 a quarter but in some of the native villages, you get less than a gram for $50. The farther away from civilization you get, the more expensive pot is.

Strangely enough Lincoln Nebraska is close to the prices they are getting outside of Anchorage. An ounce of the good stuff goes for $400. $50 an eighth and so on… which seems to be the standard in most of the US. They do have Shwagg though, for the working man, that goes for $110 an ounce… which is about $60 above the average for the rest of the nation, thus illustrating the difference with even the commerce between the kind and the shwagg.

The East Coast, however, seems to vary. In South Jersey a dude paid $120 for a quarter of Trainwreck, which he says is normal for ‘exotic’ strains. The same guy shelled out $100 for a quarter of what he said looked like homegrown and can get KB for $80 the same. You can pick up a gram of headies for $20 and an ounce of good quality mids for $150.

This same Jersey guy got pulled over last week for running through a stop sign like a madman while concealing an eighth and wearing a blue Mohawk with many tattoos. His example of “Respecting the fuck out of MR. Policeman” resulted in his eventually getting to go back to his shitty apartment and smoke that eighth. Learn from the Blue Mohawk Jersey dude and you too may be able to escape Johnny Law. Moving on…

In Hamilton, just outside of Toronto, it is $25-$30 an eighth and you basically play ‘dealer roulette’ with the quality. An ounce can be $160-180, and even up to $200 depending on the availability. BC is reported through third person as being the same except prices get better as you buy more. However, as the user stated, “The worst weed in BC is still the best weed in Canada or the US.”

Across the pond in West London someone recognized the ‘white widow” reference in the last crop report and seconded it as some bad ass stuff. For 40 pounds, or $80 god damn US money sucks, you can get a quarter. This is like some strange mirror city of Anchorage in terms of weed prices. Maybe they are both supplied by the same hippies?

In Western Australia things are different. A ‘stick’, which is traditionally a little under an eighth, has gone from 2.5 grams to 1.5 in recent months. In Perth, the capital city, you are going to pay $25-30 for one of those, and up to $400 for an ounce. If you know one of the shifty eyed bastard dealers though, you can still get a 2.5 stick for $25. When I said Perth was the capital city, I meant of Western Australia. We all know the Capital of Australia is the Outback.

I will take emails now, at roguepirateninja at yahoo dot com. You can stay anonymous or not, I promise not to rat you out to the man. Tell me how much you pay, how much you smoke, what your favorite color is, whatever… I’ll even take pictures as long as you have the good sense to disguise yourself.