Schadenfreude can be the sweetest thing.

Denver attorney and local dickweed (as evidenced by this gag-inducing video) Gabriel Schwartz was robbed of his fancy lady-jewelry while attending the Republican National Convention

Listen to him expound upon how we should bomb “the hell” out of people in other countries, and how taking their resources is something owed to us, all while wearing a smug, crappy smirk on his face.

Guess what goes around comes around as some intrepid lady-type took his resources after getting him bombed, or so he alledges.

Meeting this supposed fair maiden in the hotel lobby, he shuttled her up to his room, possibly to discuss the “Bush Doctrine,” and was told by this brilliant theif to undress while she prepared libations.

He claims he woke up after a roofied-booze induced haze to find what he claims was $120,000 in items swiped from him, cluding some rather expensive diamond jewelry, totalling about $50,000 alone.
“Aside from the watch, ring, necklace, earrings and belt, Schwartz also reported a $1,000 purse or wallet, a $1,500 cell phone, $500 in cash and a couple of rings worth $50 had been taken,” the Pioneer Press paper in Minneapolis reported.

Now, most of my investment jewelry is crafted from beautiful plastic and costs upwards of $1, so I am at a loss to even figure out how and why this fella was toting around a $20,000 ring, a necklace valued at $5,000, earrings priced at $4,000.

Politics aside, it’s sort of a “Come on, dingbat!” situation. And more than a little fishy, even according to the police quoted in the original report. Someone wasn’t listening to their Family Values speeches!

Interpid hooker of the Twin Cities, you are the Robin Hood of our day.